If you’ve ever found yourself fumbling in the dark—or under the sheets—with a random bottle of lube and zero idea if it’s safe for your toys, your body, or your partner, you’re not alone. The world of lubricants is surprisingly complex, especially for LGBTQ+ people whose sex lives don’t always follow straight assumptions.
Whether you’re bottoming, topping, vibing solo, or exploring gender-affirming pleasure, choosing the right lube can help make your sex life safer, smoother, and significantly more enjoyable.
We connected with certified sex educator and relationship expert Dr. Deb Laino to break it all down, answer the most common questions, and maybe save a few bedsheets and toys along the way.
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What’s the best lube for butt sex?
Silicone-based lubes are the gold standard for butt sex. “Silicone-based lubricants are the preferred lubricant for [butt] sex as they’re a bit denser,” explains Dr. Laino.
This extra density means longer-lasting slip, making your experience smoother and safer without constant reapplication.
Silicone vs. water-based lube: What’s the difference?
When choosing between silicone and water-based lubes, it comes down to your needs:
- Water-based: Dr. Laino highlights they’re ideal for sensitive skin, safe for condoms, and easy to clean up without stains. The downside is that they can dry out more quickly, so you might need to reapply more frequently.
- Silicone-based: These offer longer-lasting lubrication and are great for shower play or extended sessions. But beware: they stain sheets and can damage silicone toys.
If you’re looking for something in between, hybrid lubes combine water- and silicone-based formulas for a longer-lasting glide with easier cleanup. Just be sure to check the label, since they’re not always toy- or condom-safe.
What’s the best lube to use with condoms?
“Water-based or silicone-based lubes are both condom-safe options,” says Dr. Laino, cautioning against oil-based alternatives which can degrade condoms and sex toys. Trojan Infinite Glide (silicone-based) and Trojan H2O Closer (water-based) are top-notch choices that pair well with condoms.
Which lube is safe to use with silicone toys?
“Water-based lubes are the best choice for sex toys overall,” advises Dr. Laino. Silicone lubes can damage silicone toys, causing deterioration over time. For extra comfort, choose a water-based lube infused with soothing ingredients like aloe.
Can I use coconut oil (or vaseline, baby oil, olive oil) as lube?
There’s a lot of talk about natural lube alternatives, and it might seem like anything slippery could work in a pinch, but Dr. Laino sets the record straight:
- Coconut oil: It’s a fantastic natural lubricant—smooth, moisturizing, and anti-bacterial. But it’s a no-go with condoms or silicone toys.
- Vaseline: Absolutely not. It’s petroleum-based, traps bacteria, and destroys condoms.
- Baby oil: Skip it. It’s filled with fragrances and synthetic ingredients that aren’t genital-friendly, plus it ruins condoms.
- Olive oil: Natural, yes, but terrible for latex condoms and messy to use.
When it comes to natural lube alternatives, always prioritize safety, compatibility, and what works best for your body.
Lube + toy compatibility guide
Just like lubes, not all toys are created equal, and using the wrong lube can damage your toys or reduce their lifespan. Here’s a quick compatibility guide so you can pair the best lube with your toys safely and confidently:
| Lube/Toy Type | Silicone Toys | Plastic | Elastomers (TPE/TPR) | Glass/Metal | Condoms/Dental Dams |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Water | ✅ | ✅ | ✅ | ✅ | ✅ |
| Silicone | ❌ | ✅ | ❌ | ✅ | ✅ |
| Hybrid | ❌ | ✅ | ❌ | ✅ | ✅ |
| Oil-based | ✅ | ✅ | ❌ | ✅ | ❌ |
When in doubt, reach for water-based lubes when using toys, since they’re the most universal choice.
Where to find lube that actually works
Good sex deserves good supplies. If you’re ready to upgrade your lube game, The Pride Store has a curated selection of intimate wellness products, including lubricants, toys, supplements, and pleasure products designed with queer bodies in mind. Whether you’re after a water-based staple, a silky silicone option, or something new to try with your partner (or solo), you’ll find trusted brands and body-safe options that align with your needs.
Just a heads up: you must be 18+ to shop this section.
Your pleasure, your choice
For those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, a good lube can help bridge gaps in comfort, safety, and sexual wellness that mainstream sex ed never covered. Whether you’re preparing for penetrative play, experimenting with new toys, or exploring natural alternatives, the right lube makes all the difference.
As Dr. Laino reminds us, reading the label matters, and so does knowing your body. Keeping some reliable staples in your bedside table is key to safer and better sex.
Stay slick, stay safe, and enjoy.
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