About Doug:
I’m a loving and dependable husband and father, journey athlete, constitutional minimalist, and self-employed serial entrepreneur.
I work as a Performance Life Coach devoted to serving to males obtain their private {and professional} targets utilizing the most recent instruments and insights from the sector of optimistic psychology.
WHAT WAS THE MAJOR TURNING POINT IN YOUR MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY?
The largest turning level was taking complete possession of my life and outcomes.
I had one way or the other gone from being married in a long-term relationship with teenage youngsters, self-employed, energetic, engaged, socially supported, and anchored at dwelling with my household, to being alone, with damaged relationships with my youngsters. I used to be shocked, dismayed, and in disbelief as I confronted isolation.
I felt indifferent from the person who I used to be earlier than. My former life was gone and I had forgotten all my nice reminiscences of buddies, household, and life. Worst of all is that I used to be unsure of who I used to be and I hated my “model”. Life had shifted underneath my ft and I used to be off steadiness. Every little thing that I used to have felt just like the distant previous.
I used to be a poster little one for what it seems wish to reside with unrecognized/undiagnosed Grownup ADHD. At my worst, I struggled with nervousness, despair, substance abuse, extreme danger taking, low self-esteem, rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotional volatility. I used to be dwelling other than my spouse and youngsters, and I bear in mind being trapped in a swirl of adverse feelings together with feeling lonely, confused, disillusioned, insufficient, ashamed, and downright depressing.
Finally, I spotted that whereas I couldn’t management every part that occurred to me, I might at all times management how I responded.
The following breakthrough got here once I embraced the concept that happiness isn’t a vacation spot, it’s a course of and a talent that may be discovered. I figured that if I had been studying, rising, and making progress, I might rebuild my life and my very own sense of goal and success.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT REALLY HELPED?
Taking Possession
- Adopting the mindset that I alone was accountable for my life, enabled me to cease blaming exterior circumstances and begin taking significant motion.
Constructing Self-Consciousness
- Studying, journaling, constructing my emotional intelligence, and practicing mindfulness daily helped me acknowledge patterns in my ideas, emotions, and habits, enabling me to make higher choices.
Paying Consideration to Variability
- Constructing mindfulness and self-awareness helped me discover once I felt higher and what contributed to these moments, giving me instruments to duplicate these experiences.
Shifting My Perspective
Creating a Routine
- Establishing constant habits for train, diet, and reflection created a basis for my long-term psychological, emotional, non secular, and bodily well being.
Training Self-Compassion
- Studying to deal with myself with kindness and persistence, quite than harsh criticism, made it simpler to maintain transferring ahead even once I stumbled.
Reaching Out
- Becoming a member of Toastmasters, taking part in hockey once more, and doubling down on my most vital social and household relationships all contributed to me turning into extra socially resilient and complete.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER GUYS FIGHTING TO IMPROVE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH?
As males, many people had been by no means taught tips on how to speak about our emotions—we’ve been conditioned to see vulnerability as weak point quite than power. However the reality is, vulnerability just isn’t a flaw; it’s a pathway to therapeutic and development.
Our capability to precise what we’re going by isn’t optionally available—it’s important. When each voice in your head tells you to withdraw, that’s exactly when that you must attain out. We frequently undergo silently, burdened by disgrace and emotions of inadequacy, however we don’t have to hold that weight alone.
Take possession of your life and your therapeutic journey—it’s essentially the most empowering selection you can also make. It’s true that your feelings aren’t decided solely by your circumstances however by the way you interpret them. Undertake a optimistic focus and problem your self to reframe negative self-talk and take note of the moments, nonetheless transient, whenever you really feel just a little lighter. These moments maintain clues to what helps you thrive. Construct an emotional vocabulary so you’ll be able to title and specific your emotions in a wholesome manner quite than suppressing them, numbing out, or venting explosively.
Keep in mind, development—not cash, social standing, affect, reputation, or perfection—is the important thing to lasting happiness. Each small step ahead issues. Commit your self to steady self-reflection and studying so you’ll be able to uncover the blind spots which are holding you again. And most significantly, know that you just’re not alone. Reaching out for support—whether or not to a trusted good friend, a educated life coach or therapist, or a neighborhood—is without doubt one of the strongest, most brave actions you’ll be able to take.
And lastly, remind your self that you’ve the facility to rebuild your life, to develop, and to search out that means and pleasure once more. Keep in mind that these of us which have moved by the darkest moments and emerged stronger on the opposite facet are uniquely positioned to assist others do the identical, and to reside a extra resilient and linked life.
– Doug Host, Langley, BC, Canada
