by Jacquie Molloy
One of the perplexing things to happen as we get older is that the losses increase. These losses might be death of friends and family as well as changes in health that might limit independence, challenge our sense of identity or create fear and despair.
We will grieve more. And grief is rarely simple.
Loneliness as a result is extremely common. In too many instances, people suffer in silence, feeling utterly disconnected from what was once important and vital to them. In some instances, this leads to depression.
Older people might not speak openly about these changes and challenges, or the sense of hopelessness that might accompany them. There seems to be a prevailing thought that older people should be used to loss and therefore not feel it as keenly as their younger counterparts.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
But hope is still worth cultivating.
The Human Flourishing Program, an initiative of Harvard University’s Institute for Quantitative Social Science, found that adults over50 who reported higher levels of hope also experienced lower risks of depression, heart disease, and chronic illness. They were more likely to stay active, eat well, and engage in meaningful relationships.
How then do we find and nurture hope in ourselves and others? Here are 4 ways that could help.
- Explore your inner world
Knowing what you value and what makes you happy can add a level of richness to your life. Exploring your inner world can also help you see where your thinking and beliefs might no longer be serving you. You might also uncover old belief systems that are holding you back from enjoying your life right now.
One of the blessings of getting older is that we often have more inclination to reflect. We can see patterns to our connections and values and our perspective may shift profoundly and positively through reflection.
We can feel compelled to explore questions like ‘what will happen to me when I die?’, ‘what will I be remembered for?’, ‘will I be remembered?’.
A sense of one’s spirituality – a connection to the essence of who we are – can make these questions easier to bear, inspire gratitude and give us hope.
2. Continue to find purpose
A 2019 study by a team of British researchers found that a sense of purpose promoted happiness and a sense of wellbeing among adults 50 – 90.
It’s a mistake to think that a purpose must be grand. Rather it can be as simple (and powerful) as being a mentor and trusted ear to grandchildren.
One of our community’s favourite questions to ask is ‘what made you get out of bed this morning?’. Something you are looking forward to is often your purpose at work! Volunteering or doing creative projects might be where your sense of your life’s meaning comes from. For others, it might include religion or faith, caring for a pet or tending to the garden.
3. Connect with others
Social or family interaction is an important part of being human – even for the most home-loving introverted of us. It doesn’t have to be every day or in situations that you flat out don’t like. But a game of cards with others, or a day-program at the neighbourhood centre where some laughs and stories can be shared, a creative hobby shared with others, a regular morning tea or dinner with friends, volunteering in nature – all these examples count.
This is particularly important at a time when routines might need to change or loved ones might have died. It’s about creating a ‘new normal’ with others who can help you to stay optimistic, even during the hard times.
4. Talk to a professional who can help
One of the most optimistic things we can do when we feel lost or depressed is to ask for help from a professional. It means that we believe (even if that belief is fragile) that life can be better.
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Hope is worth cultivating. The bottom line? Know that there are ways to build your hope and resilience. Do the best you can for where you are right now!
