5 Sex Positions for Mutual Masturbation

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By far, one of the hottest things in the world can be watching a partner feel sexual pleasure (all the better if you’re a part of making that pleasure happen). Whether that means warm and fuzzy, sensual feelings or a full-blown orgasm, getting off is one of the great pleasures of life.

“Mutual masturbation lets you witness your partner’s pleasure up close: how they move, what they enjoy, how they breathe,” Erika Lust, feminist pornographic director and producer, tells SheKnows. “Masturbating in front of someone you trust is like showing them who you are when no one’s watching. That vulnerability can be just as intimate as touch, and just as arousing.”

And yes, that applies no matter what kind of relationship you’re in (if any). If you’re in a long-term relationship, for example, mutual masturbation can be a much-needed change in your sexual routine to further enhance connection and intimacy with your partner. “Masturbation invites you to slow down and explore desire without scripts, without performance, and without pressure. In long-term relationships, that kind of presence can feel like rediscovery,” Lust explains. “So much of sex is about giving or receiving and this is where you do both, even in silence. Curiosity is excitement.”

Mutual masturbation can mean touching yourself, or your partner(s), or a mix of both. It’s fun, versatile, low-stakes, and doesn’t require any kind of penetration, if you’re not in the mood for it. You can (and should) do whatever feels good when it comes to mutual masturbation, but if you need some inspiration, look no further. Keep reading for five expert-approved ways to experience mutual masturbation with a partner.

Ride a straddle-style sex machine

What is it? If you want a no-fail mechanical assist, the Motorbunny (starting at $899) is my ride-or-die go-to. It’s akin to riding a mechanical bull, except with a thrusting phallus and no risk of being bucked. From the penetrative vantage point of this sex toy, I can play with my clit while maintaining eye contact with a partner who’s touching themselves. If you’re feeling more interactive, have your partner sit on the corner of a bed and position the sex machine in front of them for a hand job or oral sex fun.

Why experts love it: “Being watched or watching each other turns up the heat. It’s raw, vulnerable, and intensely arousing,” Lust says. This position, she explains, “adds a layer of thrill—trust and exposure make it more intense.”

Side-by-side

What is it? This is a super-easy yet satisfying position for mutual stimulation. This scenario works well for both penis- and vulva-havers. I like to lie down toward one side of the bed while my partner stands alongside facing the bed with legs slightly spread. From this position, my partner can use their hands or toys to pleasure me while I use my hands and mouth on them. It may take some finagling to find the best angle for body parts to connect, but it’s definitely doable with some patience and practice.

Why experts love it: “Side-by-side positions create a sense of synchronicity; you’re together, but also focused on your own sensations,” Lust says. “It’s mutual and independent at the same time. You’re close but independent—no pressure, just pleasure.”

Rub & ride

What is it? For multitasking masturbation, have a penis-having partner lie down on their back. The vulva-owner straddles them just below their penis and moves their hand up and down the shaft while positioning their thumb on their clit. Add a dab of lube to make things move even more smoothly. 

Why experts love it: “This allows one partner to take on a more dominant role visually, while the other feels seen,” Lust explains. “It’s an exciting dynamic of power and surrender without touching. It’s about control and surrender, both are equally thrilling.”

Head-to-foot

What is it? It may seem a little odd at first to lie side-by-side, on your backs, head-to-foot. But if you scooch so that each of you can easily reach the other’s genitals by reaching up between their legs, this can be a very relaxing position. (Not to mention a fantastic perspective of your partner’s party spot.) If your hand and forearm get tired after stroking or finger-banging for a while (*raises hand*), this position allows proper arm support to go the duration.

Why experts love it: “When hands are free to explore, creativity takes over. These positions make space for spontaneity and deep self-pleasure while staying emotionally close,” Lust explains.

Lazy sex

What is it? This a tried-and-true position for when you’re feeling lazy AF. Lie next to your partner, then scissor your legs sideways so your genitals graze each other’s (but no penetration takes place). I like to feel my partner’s penis at the entrance of my vagina while I rub my clit to orgasm. Penis-in-vagina sex is possible from this passive position but by no means necessary to bring pleasure.

Why experts love it: “This position allows full eye contact, which heightens arousal and connection, especially when you’re both exposed and present,” Lust says. “Eyes connect, feelings deepen, and it’s just more real.”

A version of this story was published January 2019.

Before you go, check out 69 (nice) sex positions we’d recommend you try before you die: