Sometimes, tops have to learn.
It’s not all about them!
Sure, they may ostensibly be in control, but everyone knows the bottom sets the rules of engagement. It’s only fair: they’re the ones opening up the gates.
How about we take this to the next level?
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With an increasing number of gays identifying as versatile, the notion of a “strict top” is becoming obsolete. But still, some tops remain ignorant about a bottom’s plight, or think the role lacks emotional and psychological investment.
Wrong! This is not a demolition derby.
It’s lovemaking!
In the spirit of sharing, we asked bottoms to bestow tops with feedback on how to make the experience more pleasurable for all parties. Here’s what they had to say…
Bottoms, what is one piece of advice you would like tops to know?
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“Make opening us up slowly part of the foreplay, especially if the top is well-endowed, rather than immediately shoving it in.” — Kelly in Los Angeles
“Take your time when entering” — Pieter in the U.K.
“Start slowly. It’s NOT a diving competition!” — Michael in Virginia
The bottoms have moaned their first request: slow down! Indeed, foreplay is a vital part of the process, and sometimes the most sensual. If the tip don’t fit, pull out and add more lube. As Michael mentions, tops aren’t being judged for how quickly they can dive into the prostate.
Speaking of divers, anybody know if these guys are free? We’d love to test out our thesis…
“3 Ls – Lick. Lube. Loosen. — JR in California”
Words to live by!
“Let your bottom guide you to the right spot just don’t thrust and hope you hit it. The bottom will let you know when you’re there.” — Richard in Indiana
“Initially enter s-l-o-w-l-y with lots of lube; let bottom manage speed and depth; after the initial warm up, OK to go crazy and swing from the chandelier, in whatever position, depth, speed, etc. are mutually suitable. The bottom guides! ” — Rocpitbull in Milwaukee
Bottoms may not be able to drive, but they know how to find their prostate. Our two Midwestern princesses would like their tops to let them take the wheel, at least for a little while. Then as “Rocpitbull” says, it’s time to charge like–you guessed it–a ravenous pit bull. Woof!
“Don’t say you’re going to ‘breed’ me. It’s gross and I’m not some farm animal waiting to be mounted.” — Alex in San Francisco
Alex has a point: the animalistic imagery stops here. Let’s imagine something a little more pleasant… like a top who cares about his bottom.
“Learn to give pleasure as much as you receive it. ” — Mark in Australia
Perfect! A selfish top is downright rude, and sooo straight-coded. If a top appears disinterested in his bottom’s wellbeing, he should be sent back to the basement from which he came.
“Get the bottom off! Just because you came, doesn’t mean the fun is over. Next stop: getting ME off!” — Samuel in Staten Island
Preach, Samuel!
“Speed and duration matter. Some tops are all about themselves. They c*m and then they’re done. To please your bottom partner, it’s important to provide adequate foreplay to relax the hole and to get it relaxed properly and ready to receive the big gift you’re about to present.” — Lance in Chicago
Think of it like this: if you’re presenting someone with a big present–interpret that how you wish–you typically show them the item first so they can open up their arms wide to receive it. Then you hand off the gift gently, ensuring they have a good grip.
Intercourse works the same way.
“Don’t be afraid to flip-flop – bottoming is as fun as topping, just in a different way!” — Dr. Ramirez in Europe
Listen to your doctor! There’s a reason why they’re called verse kings.
“Having a dynamic and changing rhythm. Don’t just f*ck me like I’m a toy, make it sensual and fun by exploring different speed, pressure, depth. And guess what? It doesn’t always have to involve your d*ck! — L in Toronto
“Varying your speed, tempo, and intensity is important. If you’re just thrusting at full speed to the finish line, I’m not enjoying myself. Start slow, tease, mix deep strokes with shallower strokes. Obviously as bottoms we’re excited to get you off, but I want to enjoy the ride too!” — Joe in Canada
If intercourse is a symphony orchestra, the top is the director. It’s important to build towards the crescendo, and switch up the notes. Static performances become background noise pretty quickly.
“When you find that rhythm and the bottom is moaning, that is not the time for the top to ‘change it up.’ Just keep it going and get the job done.” — Lance in Montreal
Then again, sometimes it’s good to just play the hits. Boy, there are some bossy bottoms north of the border!
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“Be engaged! Nothing worse than a top just going through the motions. You’re inside someone for God’s sake! (BTW: same goes for bottoms!)” — Bobby in Portland, Oregon
If there was ever a time to live in the moment, anal sex would probably be it!
“I love bottoming. And I love camping. They are probably my two favorite things. But I will never do both at the same time, so please DON’T ASK. I get that the idea of having sex in a tent in the woods Brokeback style is hot, but the reality is bottoming requires lots of lube plus access to running water. A toilet and a shower, to be more specific. Without those things it’s not going to happen. I like roughing it but that’s too rough!!” — Louis in Denver, Colorado
Brokeback Mountain is not real life, and chances are you’re not Jake Gyllenhaal. The great outdoors are best enjoyed platonically.
“It can be a pain in the a** cleaning out for your pleasure.” — David in San Diego
Umm… we’re pretty sure this whole thing is supposed to be pleasurable for both parties, David. That’s what this whole prompt is about! But the point stands: prep work can be strenuous. Other bottoms agree…
“Cleaning up is a lot of work, and sometimes it’s just too much.” — Jason in Vancouver
That said, cleaning up shouldn’t always be a herculean task. Remember to eat plenty of natural fiber, and drink lots of water.
“Sometimes I can’t do ‘Right Now.’ Not because I don’t want to but, being clean inside is extremely important to me. If I don’t feel clean then I won’t have a good time and neither will you. Telling me it’s ‘OK’ or you ‘don’t mind’ or you like it ‘a little messy’ is not going to change my mind. So stop trying to persuade me otherwise.” — Steve in Tallahassee, Florida
Steve’s response seems targeted, as if he’s sharing with a particular someone in mind. But yeah, no bottom wants to paint his own Picasso during the act. Masterpieces are best viewed in a museum.
“If your top says ‘relax’ and your initial response is to tighten, I would recommend breathing in to tighten your sphincter and opening up when you exhale. Breath control is amazing. Enjoy the ride.” — Master Rob
Thank you, Sir.
“I would like to help you c*m and will withhold doing so myself while we take care of you, but I am not disappointed if you aren’t able to reach climax. You may be frustrated yourself, and that is understandable – but you don’t need to explain anything or apologize. Just bring what you’ve got and I’ll enjoy your company.” — Daniel in Oregon
So sweet, Daniel! Have you met Master Rob?
“HARDER – FASTER – LONGER” — Donald in Washington
On second thought, maybe Donald is best suited for Master Rob. That’s the spirit!
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